Yeah, you read that right. 2.5 years at this place...and I've finally reached that point. Nothing in particular, just the complete and utter lack of confidence in this job..and essentially this profession. I've toyed with the idea of not doing landscape almost since we were in school. Actually, I have been thinking about it since before graduation if we're being totally honest. Even though I've started the licensure process for validation, I'm not sure I need it or even want it anymore. Yes, I did give 6 years of my life to an education. And yes, I am willing to leave that behind. The fact of the matter is, in those 6 years of school I learned a lot more than just landscape. I've learned computer programs, presentation skills, general design principles, and many other organizational skills & people skills that I didn't necessarily have before. These things all give me the qualifications I need to work in many different professions, even though my degree is specialized.
I LOVE plants and I love being outside. I also love coastal restoration and jobs that have MEANING. I do not feel like working for/with measly residential clients or greedy commercial developers or useless governmental types looking to get their pet project funded (or not). I'm just tired of the day-to-day struggle of making anybody try to listen to us about how important landscape is for a project. It means nothing to me. I've been going through the motions for quite some time now, just getting by to try to provide for the girls. I'm done with that. I will provide for them. Just not here.
This place is just in a continual state of purgatory. As much as we try, there will never be enough improvement and stability for this place to ever be a long-term option. Not at all. That's why I'm on the lookout. I'm very grateful to have employment in this tough economic climate, but I'm unfulfilled and it's affecting my home life. I project my misery onto my girls and i WILL NOT let that continue. I want to be happy in all aspects of my life. At least content in the work aspect. That's not happening now...in fact it's getting worse. I cant fake happy anymore, so I've got my search glasses on. Be on the look out, will ya?
You've accomplished your first task: acknowledging you have a problem. Acknowledging that something has to change.
ReplyDeleteIt's harder to walk away I think... because at this point you know you have acquired so many skills that you are a real asset to your firm.
But don't be afraid to walk away. I won't if you won't.
This is why I think Amanda is courageous.
I agree with Christina. It takes serious BALLS to walk away from there. But you will be so proud of yourself when you do. Trust me. lol. But take your time - its hard to do b/c when you are done, you are DONE and you will take whatever comes along as long as it means getting out of there. So just take your time finding something BETTER, all the while holding your dirty little job seeking secret in while you smile at the bosses...
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