Patience is a virtue...apparently a learned one

Patience is a virtue that i have NEVER had. I completely lack the ability to wait on anything or anyone. It's been that way ever since I was a little kid. I can distinctly remember pitching fits when things weren't done my way or in my timeframe. What a brat. If I were my parents, I would have whipped me a little more often. I know I deserved it.

In the past 27 years I have not really gained any patience whatsoever. I think it's my "rabid squirrel" nature as B would say. I have the attention span of a dog. Oh look, a squirrel! I also lack entirely the ability to stay still. Yes I was that kid in church whose legs were shaking and whose mom looked ready to duct tape me to the underside of the pew. How she didnt do it at least once, I'll never know. That woman has the patience of a saint. That's why I love her so much! I mean, anybody that can put up with me through the growing years AND my dad deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. Lucky for her, Coco was a calming presence in the house.

It wasn't until December 12, 2008 that I started to learn what exactly this elusive virtue is. Bebe is just a helpless little bug that requires we wait on her hand and foot all the time. Having a baby forces you to realize that what you're doing in the here and now is NOT as important as you thought it was. The dishes can wait. Breakfast can wait. That shirt can get washed later and who really cares if the grass requires a bulldozer to cut it. We don't have to leave RIGHT NOW...we can leave when she's up from her nap or after she's had a bottle and a good burp (and puked all over my shoulder....daily). SHE needs attention NOW! She's hungry, or tired, or just wants to play. It's so worth it to drop the world around you, flush your cellphone down the toilet, and just sit and visit. Even if it's just to pick her up and pat the butt until she nods off to sleep, chewing on her little thumb and humming softly. Of all the things in the world, she is the most calming presence in my life. She has this incredible ability to look into my eyes and make my soul melt into a pile of goo. When she smiles that coy little smile, I'm reminded of the awesome responsibilities that Lolly and I now hold and all that's riding on how we raise our little one.

So now I take the time to relax. Or just meditate. Or plan out what it is that I'm thinking about in a little more detail. I spend more time thinking BEFORE I do...not something I'm exactly known for. After all, the most common phrase out of my parents mouths growing up was: "Think before you speak"

Hey, I'm learning....

Some days I'm convinced I'm bipolar. Not the jumping into a fountain and throwing coffee at people while on a date kind of bipolar. Just retarted fast mood swings and instant apathy. Its weird. I could be having the most completely average day and all of a sudden, just want to crawl inside of a box or get completely aggravated and instantly withdraw from a group or a conversation. I had one of those moments while walking around the grid earlier trying to find something to eat. I don't really subscribe to overly medicating oneself, but at times I think I might just be better off. Or maybe I'm just a whiner.

jeez.