squishy

I just wanted to say how much a smile and a kiss means in the morning from Bebe. This morning we had a little back & forth yell-a-thon. Her "yelling" is like deep grunt from her belly followed by the cutest grin. EVER. Dropping her off at daycare, she's started to cry now when I hand her off. Just take my heart out and stomp on it why don't ya??? But she always waves bye to me and now she's learning how to blow a kiss. Pure unadulterated cuteness. GOD I love this kid. Just another reason to wake up in the morning!

Happy Thursday interwebs...

Ebb & Flow

The past few weeks have been filled with complete and utter disdain for work, sprinkled with a little bit of actually enjoying it. One of the bright spots is a small promotion within the office. A new title, a few more days off, and (when it can be afforded) a raise will at some point come. This is very exciting, and at the same time, its not at all. Hooray! I got a raise! But for what? For showing up and doing my job? Congrats to you for being very able to disguise the fact that you like your job so much, we'll reward you. Bleh. Tainted much?

That's the aforementioned ebb. I don't necessarily hate what I do....most of the time. I just generally dislike the overall tone of the profession. Especially around this area. Its a constant uphill battle just to get people to understand something so basic as the importance of having trees vs. a 5 ac. paved parking lot. Honestly? What year is this? This place is positively medieval sometimes.

AND, Chloe has decided to act out and destroy our house, make our lives hell. I love the dog, but she's just got to go. It breaks my heart and we will only give her to someone who can love her as much as we have. I just cant come home to a destroyed house daily. We're gonna go ahead and give her a couple more weeks, but this time, she'll live outside in the backyard on a zip line. IF this proves to be too much, she's out.

But then again, I'm just bitching. Well, that's what this blog's for anyway. My own little outlet for venting. This way, I don't have to actually bother people with my words. And there are usually LOTS of words that come out of this mouth (or fingers).

The bright spot(s) of my life are good as always. Although Lolly is a little under the weather, her medicine has kept her from having any symptoms or flare-ups since March. Which is fan-frickin-tastic. And Bebe is changing daily. She's scooting, crawling (if that's what you call what she does), pivoting in circles, laughing, sounding out almost words, pulling up on furniture, and trying to walk. All this has started to occur at such a rapid pace. It's both frightening and amazing. Amazing to see and be a part of the fundamental learning processes of your child. Frightening because of how disgustingly quickly it all passes by. I take every moment I can to sneak a hug. A kiss. A cuddle when she's sleeping...since she no longer sits still long enough to actually cuddle. It is all very wonderful though. Coming home to my girls is what makes this whole life fun! Gone are the days of bar hopping and all-nighters. Gone are the days of getting to work ridiculously early and staying a little late. These are the days of staying at home til the last minute possible and rushing home after work. Going to bed at 9 or 10 (instead of 12). These are the days and I cherish every moment I can, because change always lurks around the bend and I don't want to miss a moment!

mass hysteria

Lately with the many new policies of the current administration, those groups and organizations that oppose the aforementioned have been driven into a feeding frenzy.  So many things to rip.  Where to start?  nationality?  socialism?   lack of qualifications?  Chose your weapon.  LORD knows many others have.  

It's purely nauseating.  It absolutely amazes me that the national conversation has gone from constructive discussions about public issues to public shouting matches about the daily things we've dealt with for decades.  Nay, centuries.  I mean, it's change we're talking about.  Right?  Ok, that's what I thought.  Apparently the very nature of change itself (not the actual change) is just so terrifying to some people that they'd rather scream, shout, and threaten others just to protect their way of life and keep things just the way they are.  Even if that way is self-destructive or unproductive.  It's not even the specific issue with which "change" is referenced that brings people to hysterics.  Just the word.  

Amazing what the ramifications of just one word can be.

Change:  to become altered or modified   - a verb as defined by dictionary.com

Why is change such a completely polarizing word, action, noun, ect.?  Are we just so afraid to step outside of what our absolute norm is and learn a little something new?  Is it so difficult to possibly see things in another way?  Could it really be that bad?

well...its something to ponder anyway.  

time for a little change

Lolly & I have recently been getting bored with our house and looking to make some little improvements. We've adopted a new color for the door: deep eggplant. Yes, our house will now have on it yellow, green, and purple. NO. It is absolutely NOT a mardi gras house. Not at all. Trust me, I tested it. The eggplant color is the perfect complement to the dark green trim color, yet contrasts in a fun way for an inviting front door. Do I work for southern living? I sound like I think I do.

Anyways...we've decided our next task, upon completion of painting, will be to take out a wall. Ambitious, huh? Well, we originally wanted to move the wall further into the diningroom, but have decided that would be costly and require that we replace ALL of our cabinets. Lots of cost for only 3 extra feet in the kitchen. SO not worth it. So we're going to turn the remaining half of that wall into a pass-through complete with bar. See image below:

Should be a fun reno!

Progress photos to come as the renovation begins...

waiting. ugh.

So,

A friend recently said that waiting for something was just torture.  Having to wait for something you want was just plain not fun.  It made me think back to a book I read:  The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.  In it, Dave says that if you can live without it, it's worth waiting for. 

That's most of everything we buy today.  We "need" it, but dont really need it.  Its more of a mental thing.  We force ourselves to believe we need it when in fact, we just want it and consider it essential.  No matter what.  No matter how insignificant.  Its not so much that we cant live without it, but that it would make life so much easier, therefore we need it.  Or it would make us happy, therefore we need it.  Ever since I first read Dave's book, I've begun to realize that we "need" far more than we actually need.  As a generation, we consume massive amounts of materials all in the name of "need."  (i apologize for the overzealous use of quotations, but I "need" them.  hehehe)

We tell ourselves we must be prepared for every possible outcome of every situation of every second of every day.  So we fill our lives with "needs" or stuff.  We dont need it.  IT gives us security and makes us happy that we are able to provide for ourselves.  So we get IT.  Again, we dont really need it.  

I think that's one of the biggest things I've taken from the last few years.  I've learned to periodically purge and remove this excess from my life. This was hardly once the case; when I used to collect coke stuff or whatever struck my fancy.  These days, I would lose my mind.  Minimal.  That is life.  Why have all this excess on the off chance that you MIGHT use it?  Share things.   We borrow things from our friends who also have kids.  It may make us seem like a mooch at times.  But hey, why buy that thing if somebody you know has the same thing isnt using it?  Why consume so much excess on the off chance that you MAY one day need it?  It's not essential, so just wait.  Save up.  Get it when it actually becomes essential, which it most likely never will.  There are far too many other good things to do with your time and money than to consume and buy and fill your life with all this misc junk you really dont need.

but that's just my late night thought for the day.  Who am I kidding.
(see previous post for comments on opinion) 

Noooooow I get it.

Boy,

Opinions really are like...well...you know. Yeah. Everybody's got 'em, but nobody really wants to hear 'em. Lesson learned. I think it hit me like a ton of bricks b/c I have always just thrown mine out there like it was the word of God and didn't really care if it bothered anybody. Well, looking back, it bothers ME. What a douchetard. Why does my opinion really matter in the grand scheme of things unless it's to me? Who really cares? Unless somebody asks, NOBODY cares. Thats what I've learned.

Especially since lately, listening to everybody's opinions about where we should live, how we should raise our family, etc are just plain annoying. Actually, they at times make me angry. What gives you the right or makes you think you opinion is really valid as it pertains to me? GOD I have a lot of work to do before I no longer throw my opinion out there too. But hey, I'm glad I finally caught on.

lullllllllllllllll

Sometimes, work shifts into high gear and you feel like there's not enough hours in the day to get everything done. You think that any minute, you'll snap and just walk out. There's just not enough of me to go around! It can be quite maddening.

well...this week is not one of those. For some reason, we hit a major lull here and I really don't have any pressing deadlines or anything of the sort. What has this taught me? Well, I now know that I work well under pressure. In fact, if there is no pressure I pretty much don't work at all. What does that say about me? Am I unmotivated? Am I lazy? Do I need something else in my life? UGH Who knows.

Guess I'll go break my 2-week streak and have a cup of coffee. Hey, I've held out long enough. Danget.